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Public services for illegal immigrants. Be sure to sign up as a new citizen now through the amnesty plan! Time is running out. Greetings from the Department of Immigration and Naturalization Services! It's been brought to our attention that some people have been taking advantage of how easy it is to become a citizen nowadays, and we simply want to make sure you know all your options before making any final decisions. Check out our helpful guide below, or kindly visit one of our offices if you would like more information on either becoming an illegal immigrant or requesting an amnesty plan by the deadline. What?* Nothing! Just a few updates on the immigration situation. There's been a great deal of confusion among some applicants lately, so we've decided to put together this general guide that will help you get the most out of your time on our planet. From moving to another state and using fake documents to getting an education and becoming a citizen, we will go over all of the steps you need to take! We hope this information helps and we wish you the best in life. *This article was originally published on April 1, 2004 and featured inside the magazine's tenth anniversary edition (issue 24). It was later removed from the magazine due to criticism from readers.[ -ed. ] We would like to apologize on behalf of the magazine for this article. It was meant as a joke and in no way intended to cause any offense. We hope you forgive us and enjoy all of our "top stories" from the past year, including "World's Largest Mountain Range Discovered," "Murderers Now a Banned Minority," and "Pope Approves Use of Force Against Non-Believers." Sincerely, In 2003, the magazine circulated 108,000 copies domestically and internationally. In 2004, that circulation increased to more than 200,000 copies. In 2005 that number dropped to just over 110,000 copies. In 2006 that number increased to more than 130,000 copies. In 2007 that number surpassed 150,000 copies. In recent years the circulation has averaged between 160,000 and 180,000 copies. "America's Dumbest Criminals" has never won any awards or received any critical acclaim for its content. BEGINNING OF SECTION LIKELY TO CAUSE INSANITY The following is an example of the type of true stories presented in "America's Dumbest Criminals. The story is called "Huge Blast Kills 15 People – Including 2 Kids – and Maniac Crazed By Doping" and was written by the F.B.I. DEATH OF EIGHT PEOPLE An explosion at a remote farm in Oregon killed eight people, including two children, three women and four men. The victims were asleep in a house when they were all killed by the blast of an unknown origin believed to have been caused by illegal drugs stored at the property. Fire officials who arrived on the scene found a cache of illegal drugs inside a farmhouse belonging to Larry Martin, a 60-year-old fruit farmer from Reeder, Oregon. cfa1e77820